Condolence messages: what to write and what to say
A good condolence message is short, sincere and about the person who has died: “I’m so sorry, they were very special” is enough. Below are messages for a card, a text or a work email, sorted by who has died, and ways to help once the funeral is over.
Find the right words
Choose who has died and where you’re writing, then copy a message and make it yours: their name or a small memory makes it warmer. For any hard moment, see words of comfort; for an animal, messages for a pet that has died.
I’m so sorry. I’m here.
Thinking of you.
Sending you so much love.
No need to reply. Just know I’m thinking of you.
Love you. Here whenever you need me.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. They were very special.
I have no words, only a hug.
I don’t know what to say, but I didn’t want to say nothing.
Holding you close today.
With deepest sympathy.
Thinking of you and your family at this sad time.
There are no right words, but you are in my thoughts.
May the love around you hold you up.
Wishing you gentleness and rest in the days ahead.
I remember them so fondly.
Their memory will stay with all of us.
In time, may the happy memories bring comfort.
Grief has no timetable. Take all the time you need.
Whenever you want to talk about them, I want to listen.
Can I give you a hug?
You don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit with you.
Dropping food round on Thursday. No need to answer the door.
I made your favourite soup. It’s on the doorstep.
I can do the school run this week. Just say yes.
Would it help if I took care of something this week?
I’ll be thinking of you on the day of the funeral.
I’m here today, and I’ll still be here in a month.
Just checking in. How are you today, really?
Thinking of you on what would have been their birthday.
Please accept my sincere condolences.
Sincere condolences to you and your loved ones.
Very sorry to hear of your loss. Take all the time you need.
On behalf of the whole team, our deepest sympathy.
Don’t worry about work. We’ll cover things for as long as you need.
So sorry to hear your sad news. You’re in our thoughts.
There’s no rush to reply to this or to anything else.
If there’s anything we can do, please let me know.
When you’re ready to come back, we’ll go at your pace.
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
We were very sorry to learn of your bereavement.
With heartfelt sympathy from all of us at work.
Please pass on my condolences to your family.
So sorry about your mum. Sending love.
Your mum was one of a kind. I’m so sorry.
Her kindness will stay with everyone who knew her.
I’ll always remember how welcome your mum made me feel.
Losing your mum changes everything. I’m here for all of it.
She loved you so much. That love doesn’t go anywhere.
I see her in you, in your smile and your kindness.
Thinking of you and your mum today.
So sorry to hear about your mother. Take all the time you need.
So sorry about your dad. Thinking of you.
Your dad was a wonderful man. I’m so sorry.
He was so proud of you. Everyone could see it.
I’ll never forget his stories, or that laugh of his.
He taught you so much, and it shows in everything you do.
What a gentle, generous man he was.
Losing your dad is so hard. I’m here, whatever you need.
Raising a glass to your dad tonight. Thinking of you.
Very sorry to hear about your father. Our thoughts are with you.
There are no words for this. I’m here, and I’ll stay.
Your child was so loved, and always will be.
I’ll never forget their smile.
I’ll keep saying their name, whenever you want to hear it.
You were the most loving parent. Nothing changes that.
Holding you and all your family close.
Your little one brought so much light. I’m so sorry.
I can’t imagine your pain. I’m with you.
I’m so very sorry. Take as long as you need.
So sorry about your gran. Sending love.
So sorry about your grandad. Thinking of you.
What a long life of love they leave behind.
Your grandmother adored you. She talked about you all the time.
Your grandfather’s stories will be told for years.
Having them as a grandparent was a gift you’ll always carry.
Losing a grandparent is losing a piece of home.
However long the life, it’s never long enough.
Sorry to hear about your grandparent. Do take the time you need.
So sorry about your brother. I’m here.
So sorry about your sister. Sending love.
You shared a whole lifetime with them. I’m so sorry.
Nobody knew them like you did.
I’ll always remember the two of you laughing together.
A sibling knew you from the start. I’m so sorry.
Thinking of you and your parents tonight.
The bond you two had doesn’t end.
I’m so sorry. I’m here, day or night.
The love you two shared was beautiful to see.
They loved you so much. Everyone knew it.
The house must feel so quiet. I’m only a call away.
You don’t have to be strong for anyone. Not with me.
Shall I come round tonight? I can just sit with you.
What you built together stays with you.
I’ll check in every week, so you don’t have to ask.
Deeply sorry for the loss of your partner. Take all the time you need.
So sorry about your friend. Here if you need me.
Friends like that are the family we choose. I’m so sorry.
I know how much they meant to you.
Grief for a friend is real grief. Be gentle with yourself.
Tell me about them. I’d love to hear.
Your friendship was something special.
They were lucky to have you, and you them.
Let’s raise a glass to them, whenever you’re ready.
So sorry about your friend. Please take whatever time you need.
They made work a kinder place. We’ll miss them so much.
It was a privilege to work alongside them.
Everyone here is thinking of you and your family.
I learned so much from them, and I’ll always be grateful.
They always had time for everyone. We’ll remember that.
None of us will forget their laugh in the meeting room.
We’re heartbroken. It feels like losing part of the team.
We’d love to share our memories of them with you.
I’m so sorry. I know how close you two were.
So sorry about your little friend. Sending love.
They had such a happy life with you.
Losing a pet is losing family. I’m so sorry.
The house must feel so quiet without them. Thinking of you.
You gave them the best life and a gentle goodbye.
Every walk, every welcome at the door. They loved you so much.
It’s fine to cry for them. That’s how much they mattered.
Sorry to hear about your pet. Take the morning if you need it.
What to say, and what to avoid
Say it simply. “I’m so sorry” is not too little. Silence, for fear of getting it wrong, hurts more.
Use their name. Grieving people often say the hardest thing is that nobody mentions the person any more.
Share a memory. A small, true detail is worth more than a beautiful phrase.
Offer something concrete. “Let me know if you need anything” leaves the work to them. “I’ll bring dinner on Thursday” doesn’t.
Best avoided, even when said with love:
“I know how you feel.” Every loss is different, and it turns the talk towards you.
“They’re in a better place.” Not everyone believes it, and even those who do would rather have them here.
“At least they had a long life.” “At least” makes the loss smaller.
“Be strong.” It asks them to hide their grief just when they need to show it.
After the funeral: keep showing up
The cards stop after a couple of weeks, and that’s often when the loneliness begins. Ways to stay close:
Note the dates. Their birthday, the anniversary, the first Christmas. A message that day says “I haven’t forgotten”. See the dates that hurt and the death anniversary.
Help with practical things. Meals, shopping, the school run, the dog, paperwork. Offer a specific task on a specific day.
Keep saying their name. Remembering together comforts far more than tactful silence.
When there’s nothing more to say, you can still do something. In A shared universe you can light a star for the person they’ve lost: tap “Light your star”, choose “What weighs on me” or “What I’m grateful for”, say it shines for someone who is gone and write a few lines without names (up to 280 characters). It shines for seven days, and others keep it company. Tell your friend you lit it. More on a star for a loved one.