The Day of the Dead: welcoming home the ones we love

What the Day of the Dead is

For many families in Mexico, the dead do not simply go: once a year, they come back to visit. UNESCO describes the festivity as a celebration of the transitory return to Earth of deceased relatives and loved ones. It coincides with the end of the maize harvest, and families lay petals, candles and offerings along the path from the cemetery to their homes so the souls can find the way.

The tradition joins two worlds. Mexico’s National Institute of Indigenous Peoples (INPI) explains that it blends the commemoration Indigenous peoples have kept since pre-Hispanic times with the Catholic feasts of All Saints and All Souls. It is not identical everywhere: each people, town and family keeps it in its own way.

In 2008 UNESCO inscribed the Indigenous festivity dedicated to the dead on the Representative List of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity, after proclaiming it in 2003.

The dates

UNESCO places the festivity each year from the end of October to the beginning of November. According to INPI, the ofrenda for children who have died, the angelitos, is made on 31 October, and their souls arrive on 1 November. The adults are remembered over the following days, which coincide with All Souls’ Day on 2 November. If you want to know how the rest of the world keeps those same dates, read All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day.

The ofrenda and what each thing means

The ofrenda is an altar set up at home or on the grave. It is not for worshipping the dead but for receiving them. These are the elements INPI describes, with the meaning each one carries:

• The photograph, so it is clear whose soul is being welcomed.
• Water, so they can quench their thirst after the long journey.
• Salt, the element of purification.
• Candles: their flame means light, faith and hope, and guides the souls back to their old home.
• Copal, a resin burned as incense, to cleanse the place so the soul can come in safely.
• Cempasúchil, the orange marigold: its petals are scattered in a path of colour and scent that leads to the altar.
• Bread, offered as a sign of sharing; this is where the pan de muerto belongs.
• Sugar skulls, a reminder that death is always present.
• Their favourite food and drink, so that the aroma and taste delight the visitor.
• A petate, a woven mat for the souls to rest on.
• Papel picado, cut tissue paper that adorns the altar.

For children, INPI notes, the flowers and candles are white, the colour of their innocence.

It is not “Mexican Halloween”

They fall on neighbouring nights and both have skulls, so it is easy to confuse them. But they say very different things. Halloween comes from All Hallows’ Eve and plays with fear. The Day of the Dead sets the table for someone you miss: their photo, their dish, the light that shows them the way. The skulls are there to smile at death, not to frighten anyone. If you take part, do it with respect for what it means to the families who keep it.

If you live outside Mexico

You can remember someone in this spirit wherever you are, and whatever your roots, as long as you do it with care and without turning it into a costume. A small, honest ofrenda is enough:

• A shelf or a corner of a table, with a cloth.
• Their photo in the centre, and a glass of water.
• A candle, lit when you get home in the evening.
• Orange flowers if you find them; any flowers they would have liked if you don’t.
• Something they loved to eat or drink, and an object that was theirs.
• A moment to tell them what has happened this year.

It doesn’t matter if it looks nothing like the altars in photos from Mexico. What counts is the gesture: saying their name, setting out what they loved and leaving a light on so they know they are expected.

If there are children at home, it can be a beautiful way to talk about the person who is gone: let them choose what to put on the altar. The page on how to talk to a child about death may help.

Words to remember them

To write on a card next to the photo, or to say quietly while you light the candle:

• Welcome home. Your place is ready.
• I made your favourite dish. Come and have some.
• Here is water for the road, and light so you don’t get lost.
• This year I have so much to tell you.
• The marigolds are out. Follow them; they lead to me.
• You are missed every day, but tonight you are expected.
• Your photo smiles at me, and I smile back.
• We set the table for one more, and it felt right.
• Death took you away, but it couldn’t take you out of this house.
• I keep your recipes, your songs and your way of laughing.
• Stay as long as you like. We will remember you after you go.
• Thank you for coming back, even if only for a night.

A star that lights the way

In A shared universe you can light a star for someone who is gone: tap “Light your star”, choose “What weighs on me” or “What I’m grateful for”, say that it shines for someone who is gone, and write up to 280 characters without names. It shines for seven days, and others keep you company. There is a page made for these dates: a star for those you have lost. You can also find more words in messages for a loved one in heaven.