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Being there for others

How to be close to someone going through a hard time: what to say, what not to say, how to really listen and how to look after yourself if you are the one caring.

Acts of kindness: why helping others is good for you tooHelping others lifts the mood of the person who helps. What the studies of Sonja Lyubomirsky and Elizabeth Dunn found, how much it really helps and ideas to get started.4 min read A star for someone you loveWhen someone you love is ill, sad or waiting for news, sometimes we do not know what to do. What really helps and how to look after yourself too.4 min read Really listeningListening well is not giving advice or telling your own story. What Carl Rogers taught about listening and how to practise it when someone tells you something hard.4 min read The kindness of a strangerWe think talking to strangers will be awkward, and studies show the opposite. Why a few words from someone you don’t know can change a day.4 min read Unwanted lonelinessFeeling lonely is not the same as having nobody near. What research knows about unwanted loneliness, why it matters for health and which steps help.4 min read Caring for the carerCaring for a relative who is ill or elderly wears you down. What caregiver burden is, how to recognise it and what helps you keep caring without breaking.4 min read Apologising and forgivingForgiving is not forgetting or saying the other person was right. What forgiveness is according to Everett Worthington, how to reach it and what makes an apology work.4 min read What to say to someone who is illWhen someone close has a serious illness we don’t know what to say. Listening without hurry and the ring theory help us get it right more often.4 min read “I understand why you feel that way”Validating is not agreeing: it is letting the other person know that what they feel is understood. What Marsha Linehan proposed and how to do it without stock phrases.4 min read When supporting others wears you outBeing close to other people’s suffering wears you down. What compassion fatigue is and what Tania Singer and her team found about supporting others without burning out.4 min read Speaking to a relative againNo longer speaking to a father, a daughter or a brother is far more common than people let on. What Karl Pillemer found when he studied those who made up.4 min read Joy is catchingA study followed thousands of people for twenty years and saw that happiness clusters and seems to pass from one to another. What was found and what is debated.4 min read How to offer your condolencesSimple phrases for offering condolences, what is best left unsaid, and how to do it at the funeral home, by message or by letter, based on what bereaved people say.5 min read Supporting someone in grief after the funeral is overAfter the funeral the visits stop and the grief goes on. What studies say about the support that helps in the following months, and how to give it without overwhelming.5 min read What a hug doesHugs that protect against stress, a hand that calms fear: what Sheldon Cohen and James Coan found, and how to offer comfort with a gesture when words fall short.4 min read The help nobody noticesWhy visible help can weigh on people while unnoticed help sits better. What Niall Bolger found about invisible support, and how to help without overwhelming.4 min read How to support someone with depressionWhat depression is according to the WHO, what patients, families and professionals advise, which phrases to avoid and how to encourage someone to seek help.7 min read Writing to someone you haven’t seen for a long timeYou think of someone and don’t write in case it seems odd. Studies show that the person who receives the message appreciates it far more than you imagine.6 min read Why we don’t help when there are more people aroundThe more people who witness someone in trouble, the less responsible each one feels. What Darley and Latané found, what has been seen since and how to break the effect.6 min read Words of comfort, hope and encouragementWords of comfort, hope and encouragement for someone going through a hard time, waiting for news or grieving a loved one. And which phrases to avoid.2 min read Condolence messages: what to write and what to sayOver 120 condolence messages for a card, a text or a work email, sorted by who has died. Plus what to say, what to avoid and how to help after the funeral.9 min read

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