A shared universe › Blog › Grieving a pet · Español
Yes, grief for a dog or a cat is real grief: research shows it can hurt as much as losing a person you love, and that its symptoms are the same. What often makes it harder is that the people around you do not always recognise it. They were with you for years. They waited for you at the door, slept beside you, knew your routine better than anyone. And when they die, someone tells you “it was only a dog”.
A study published in 2026 in the journal PLoS One, using a representative sample of 975 adults in the United Kingdom, found that one in three people had lost a beloved animal and that, of those, one in five named that death as the most painful loss of their life. Around 7.5% of those who had lost their animal had symptoms of prolonged grief, and those symptoms were the same as after the death of a person.
It makes sense: it is a daily relationship of care, without conditions, and with it go the routines that gave shape to the day. The morning walk, the sound of their paws in the hallway, their spot on the sofa.
In 1989 the grief specialist Kenneth Doka coined the term “disenfranchised grief” for grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned: the kind with no funeral, no time off work and nobody offering condolences. The death of a pet is one of the clearest examples. On top of the sorrow comes having to hide it.
Even the manuals reflect this: the same study points out that current guidelines do not allow prolonged grief to be diagnosed when the one who has died is an animal.
A 2022 review that brought together seventeen studies of people who had lost their animal found that guilt is one of the themes that comes up most, along with the bond, grief, support and the future.
It can be especially strong if you had to decide on euthanasia: “was it too soon? too late? should I have noticed earlier?”. Anyone asking those questions is someone who looked after them well. You decided with what you knew at the time, and almost always so that they would stop suffering.
With children, the same ideas apply as when a person dies: clear, true words, without saying they “went to sleep”. There is more in How to talk to a child about death.
If you live with another animal, keeping to their feeding and walking times can help the house find some order again, for you too. And perhaps their company will give you some comfort in these days, even though they do not take the place of the one who has gone.
As with other griefs, sorrow does not go in stages or follow a set timetable (there is more in Grief does not come in stages). But if after many months it is just as intense, if you cannot get back to your life, or if guilt will not leave you in peace, it is worth talking to your GP or a psychologist. Your grief deserves the same attention as any other. In Spain you can talk to a person at the Teléfono de la Esperanza, 717 003 717, at any time. If you are thinking of ending your life, call 024: it is free, confidential and answered 24 hours a day. If there is immediate danger, call 112. In another country, call your local emergency number or a helpline there.
In A shared universe you can light a star “For someone who is gone” for him or for her. Whoever reads it will not tell you it was only an animal.
You write why it shines, without names, and other people keep it company with a touch or with words of comfort or remembrance. It shines for seven days, and you can come back so that it stays lit.