A shared universe › Blog › Retiring: starting another stage · Español
For years you have been counting down what was left: five years, two, a few months. And suddenly the Monday arrives when no alarm goes off. For some people it is a relief; for others, an emptiness they didn’t expect. For many, both in the same week.
Retirement is one of the few big changes in life that arrives with a date. Even so, going from a day with a timetable, colleagues and tasks to an entire day to fill can feel abrupt. Time changes, home changes and so does what you say when someone asks what you do.
In the 1970s, the American gerontologist Robert Atchley described retirement as a path through phases: a honeymoon one, in which you enjoy the free time; a disenchantment one, when the novelty wears off; a reorientation one, in which you look for new directions; and a stability one, when you find a routine of your own.
It is a useful description, but not a law. It was devised around a typical male working life, with a full-time job until the last day, and it leaves out many other paths.
In 1985, David Ekerdt and his team compared 293 retired men in the United States according to how long they had been out of work. Those in their first six months were more satisfied with their lives and looked more to the future. Those who had been retired for between thirteen and eighteen months were somewhat worse off. The authors interpreted it as a passing dip in the second year, after the initial enthusiasm, though they were comparing different people and not the same people over time.
In 2007, the psychologist Mo Wang followed two groups of about a thousand American retirees each over several years, and found that there is no single way of experiencing retirement. Around seven in ten barely noticed any change in their wellbeing. About one in four had a bad spell at first and then recovered. And a small group improved, mostly people leaving very stressful jobs.
The transition was harder for those with health problems or who retired earlier than planned, and easier for those who had prepared for it or carried on with some part-time work.
A team of researchers in the Netherlands, including Marleen Damman, Kène Henkens and Matthijs Kalmijn, asked about a thousand Dutch retirees what they missed about work. What they missed most was contact with colleagues, ahead of money. What they missed least was status or position.
They also found that those who had retired by their own choice had fewer difficulties in every respect, and that those living without a partner after a divorce missed contact with people more.
It is a clue for preparing for this step: as well as doing the sums, it is worth thinking about who you will talk to each day when your colleagues are no longer there. If you notice the lack of company starting to weigh on you, it may help to read about unwanted loneliness and what helps with it.
Years after describing the phases, in 1989, Atchley put forward what he called continuity theory. According to this idea, as we grow older we tend to keep what defines us, our habits, our interests, our way of being with others, and to adapt it to new circumstances instead of starting from scratch.
That takes the pressure off. Retiring doesn’t oblige you to reinvent yourself. Someone who enjoyed teaching can go on teaching in another form, and someone who organised the work lunches can go on being the one who brings people together. Sometimes what you are looking for isn’t a new activity but the part of yourself that work made room for and that you don’t want to lose.
Retirement changes the couple too. Going from seeing each other in the evenings to sharing the whole day calls for adjustments: space of your own, how the housework is divided, plans together and plans apart.
There are encouraging findings. Katie Genadek, Sarah Flood and Phyllis Moen analysed how more than twenty-six thousand Americans aged 50 to 79 spent each hour of their day, and in a study published in 2019 found that they felt happier and less stressed in the moments they spent with their partner.
It helps to talk it over beforehand: what each of you expects from this stage, what you want to do together and what each wants to keep for themselves. If one of you retires before the other, it is also worth talking about how the sharing of tasks changes.
There is no right way to retire. Some people fill the diary in the first week and others need months of doing nothing. These questions can help you find your bearings without turning free time into another obligation:
If the dip the studies spoke of arrives, it doesn’t mean you made a mistake. In them, that dip was usually temporary. To think calmly about what you want to fill your days with, the idea of finding meaning when everything changes may help.
If weeks go by and you still feel no interest in anything, sleep badly or find it hard to leave the house, make an appointment with your GP. A change this big can stir up more than it seems, and asking for help in good time is a good decision. In Spain you can talk to a person at the Teléfono de la Esperanza, 717 003 717, at any time. If you are thinking of ending your life, call 024: it is free and answered 24 hours a day. If you are in another country, call your local emergency number or a helpline there.
This stage begins with a farewell and many questions. In A shared universe you can give thanks for the years of work with “What I’m grateful for”, or write with “What I hope for” what you would like the years ahead to bring. Both fit on a star.