When you are waiting for news

Why waiting is so hard

The psychologist Kate Sweeny has spent years studying how we live through waiting: for exam results, a job offer, medical tests. In a 2015 study she compared what people feel while they wait for bad news and once they have received it. Anxiety was highest during the wait; anger, disappointment and regret came afterwards.

Uncertainty makes the mind return again and again to the same place. If you want to understand better why not knowing is so hard, you can read about uncertainty.

The beginning and the end are the hardest

In another study by Sweeny, which followed people for four months as they waited for their bar exam results in the United States, the wait felt hardest at the start and at the end. The more optimistic felt less anxiety and ruminated less; those who found not knowing harder to tolerate struggled more.

If you notice that the last stretch feels endless, there is a reason. It is not that you are coping worse than before: it is the point when the wait weighs most.

What helps

• Doing something that absorbs you. In studies from 2019 with new law graduates waiting for their exam results and with candidates waiting for a job offer, those who spent more time in “flow”, that absorption in which you lose track of time, worried less and had more positive emotions. It might be a game, something you make with your hands or whatever draws you in; flow has more ideas.
• Not being on your own with it. Telling someone what you are waiting for shares the weight.
• Setting a limit on looking things up. Research from Sweeny’s team in 2025 found that the more worried people were, the more information they looked for. If you notice that reading about what might happen leaves you feeling worse, you can give yourself set times or a limit.
• Looking after the basics: sleeping, eating, moving a little.

You do not have to do it well

There is one finding that brings relief. In a 2016 study, most ways of coping with the wait did not reduce distress, and some made it worse. But those who had a harder time while waiting responded better afterwards: they got down to work after bad news and felt more joy at good news.

Having a hard time while you wait does not mean you are doing it wrong. It is how many people prepare for whatever comes.

Small things that give you ground to stand on

Knowing when the answer will come, if you can ask, helps you avoid hanging on your phone all day. If there is no date, you can choose a few moments in the day to check and leave the rest of your time for other things.

Some people find it calming to think, quietly and just once, about what they would do if the news is good and what they would do if it is not. Having a plan for each case does not change the outcome, but it takes away some of the fear of the unknown.

And there is no need to put life on hold while you wait. A meal with someone you love, a laugh or a walk are not a lack of respect for what worries you.

Hope and fear at the same time

It is normal to swing between thinking everything will be fine and fearing the worst. There is no need to choose. You can wait with fear and, at the same time, with hope.

Nights are often the worst part of a wait. If you lie awake turning things over, night-time worries has ideas for those hours.

Lighting a star with what you hope for

In A shared universe you can choose “What I hope for” and say what you are waiting for, without saying who you are. Others will keep you company with a touch or with words of hope.

And when the news comes, you can come back and tell how it went: those who kept you company will see it. If the wait goes on, you can keep your star lit for another seven days.