A shared universe › Blog › The small joys of the day · Español
The small joys of the day do not erase your problems, but they give you breathing space, and studies suggest that everyday pleasant emotions help people cope better with stress and recover from it sooner. Big events come rarely. Everyday life is made of small things: some annoy us and others cheer us. And both weigh more than we tend to think.
In the early 1980s, the team of the psychologist Richard Lazarus tried something new: instead of looking only at life’s big blows, they asked a group of middle-aged adults, once a month for ten months, about the hassles of each day and also about their small joys. Kanner, Coyne, Schaefer and Lazarus himself published it in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine in 1981.
They found that the small things of each day, above all the hassles, said more about how a person was doing than major life events. With the joys, the result was less clear: they were somewhat related to mood, but they did not show up as protection against distress: in men they had nothing to do with symptoms, and in women they even went with more. That study opened the question more than it closed it.
Years later, Folkman and Moskowitz reviewed what was known about how people get through stress that lasts a long time. In their 2000 paper in American Psychologist they explain that, even in the hardest periods, pleasant emotions appear alongside difficult ones, and that they serve a purpose: they help people keep going.
In 2006, Ong and his team followed adults day by day, among them recently widowed women. Their study found that everyday positive emotions softened people’s reaction to stressful moments and helped them recover from them.
Small joys do not erase your problems. What they do is give you breathing space: a while in which body and mind can rest. And those who rest now and then cope better with what comes next.
They do not need to be special. A bit of sun on your face, a song you like, a conversation that goes on longer than planned, freshly hung washing. What counts is that you notice them.
If you like the idea of going over the day at night, there is a well-studied exercise that turns it into a habit: three good things.
They are alike, but they are not the same. Small joys are what happens to you: the message, the coffee, the sunshine. Savouring is what you do with it: stopping, paying attention and making it last a little longer.
A small joy that is savoured leaves more of a mark than one that slips by. How to do it, before, during and after, is explained in savouring good moments.
There are times when it is hard to find any, and that is not your fault. Sometimes something tiny is enough: a glass of cool water, someone smiling at you. Other times not even that, and that is understandable too.
If weeks go by and nothing cheers you, not even what you used to enjoy, it may be more than a bad patch, and it is worth telling your GP or a psychologist. In Spain you can talk to a person at the Teléfono de la Esperanza, 717 003 717, at any time. If you are thinking of ending your life, call 024: it is free, confidential and answered 24 hours a day. If there is immediate danger, call 112. In another country, call your local emergency number or a helpline there.
In A shared universe you do not need to wait for something big to light a star with “What I’m grateful for”. A small joy deserves to shine too, and others can be happy with you.